Thinking

I opened my curtains today, for the first time in a very long while, and just stared at the clouds. I could have been there for hours, just watching. They move surprisingly quickly and it made me think about time... youth. I mean, I've been on this planet for quite a while now and yet it all seems to have moved in one large flash. I can't remember most of it just by thinking and, even with people reminding me, sometimes I can never get back those memories. It's all sort of scary how everything goes so quickly. Soon enough, the time will come when I have a family, work for them and then I'll die of old age, if not before that. Everyday you're alive, you draw one step closer to the inevitable end and it's terrifying. Not the actual death as such, but the nothingness, the unknowing that lies waiting. You end up as a corpse merely rotting in the ground, eaten by maggots. And possible even more terrifying than that is the idea that it goes so fast, there's nothing much you can do in the time between. How do you manage to do something worthwhile in such a short space of time? Like these people who aspire to become famous for no apparent reason, just because they want people to stop them in the streets and go "Oh, you're thingy-mabob"; so that they can get with the famous people they fancy. It's just really shallow. And yet, even when you try to do something completely selfless, it is in fact not selfless at all, because there will always be a bit deep down inside of you that is doing it for the little glow of warmth you get from making someone smile, making a difference in someone's life. Another thing I don't understand, is how people can also be so selfish even if they make themselves out to be a wonderful human being, like men with wives and children who deliberatley cheat because they can and noone questions it because it's become a social norm. I think it's just disgusting: today's society; the human race. We make ourselves out to be the biggest most concious and thoughtful creatures but really, that isn't something to be proud of, because all this conciousness we seem to hold just makes us revolting.

Anyway, I'm done with my rant. I suppose I can't really talk because I'm hardly an angel myself. But now I don't think I'll be able to sleep - I've filled my head with to many things to think about. Ugh.

Have a fun life,
Lex
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